Want to lose weight?

When you look at yourself in the mirror, do you see something that you don't like? Even though this problem probably doesn't exist outside of your head, you probably want to change--especially with 2011 starting.

There's the Atkin's Diet, but Mr. Atkins himself is no longer on it. The South Beach Diet? Jenny Craig and WeightWatchers? Forget it! With MY diet, you don't have to count or pre-plan meals. What's the secret? Fear and harmful microbes! AMAZING! All you have to do? Travel.

Foreign gastronomy is one of the best introductions to a new culture. It can be uncomfortable to try things out of your norm, but it's a great experience and can make for future cocktail stories.

Russia

The harsh and cold Russian winter is no joke. At first, it may seem like you must consume a lot of hearty meat and potato dishes, but do not be fooled. Your body will require a lot of energy to keep your blood circulating (i.e. keep you from freezing to death) and will consume many calories. With the snow so high, transportation is slow and unreliable. The best way to travel is using your legs. The knee-deep snow that blocks all paths provide resistance. You will be exercising without realizing it (or wanting to, for that matter).

Not there in the winter? Not a problem. If you see how meat is sold, fear will be your best friend and you will probably avoid eating anything that was once alive. Russian summers are unbelievably hot and the heat will burn the calories for your body.

Expect to lose 8 lbs in 10 months without trying.

Spain

Consider this diet option as a "cleansing" or "detox" diet.

Upon arrival, drink water from the tap. There's a high chance that your body isn't accustomed to the flora in their water supply. The discomfort only lasts a few days after a night of intestinal explosion. Afterwards, only drink alcoholic beverages such as beer or wine to avoid further contact with waterborne microbes.

Once feeling healthy, eat your heart out. Cities are very pedestrian-friendly and it is pleasant to stroll around. From the gastrointestinal disaster and amount of walking you will do, you are sure to lose weight while still enjoying all the food.

Expect to lose 3 lbs in 1 month.

Thailand

Don't drink bottled water and eat som tam salad at an open market.

Expect to spend 2 weeks on a bathroom floor hovering over a toilet. Results may vary. Warning: risk of death.

***If the information above is not what you're looking for because you need to gain weight, then consider traveling to Argentina.

Argentina

There's no better way to beef up (pun intended) than to chow down on their cattle. Eat everything in sight and every part of animal that is given to you. Don't ask questions about what part of the animal it is because you may lose your appetite and this program will fail. Just eat, eat, eat because everything is delicious.

Order ice cream at least every other day from a local vendor. The ice cream there is heavenly and makes you a better person.

When you're full? Take a siesta. Reward yourself with all that hard work of eating and just take a nap. You don't want to walk around during siesta anyway, there are bikers waiting to rob you outside.

Expect to gain 7 lbs and a rounder face within 6 months.

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Note: The diet regimen has not been scientifically proven nor are there any studies. As a training epidemiologist, if you find funding, I can try and put something together to give this program credibility.

Results will vary. I am not liable for any outcomes related to the above diets if you wish to try them.