Salsa Golf, Revisited

Last night, I learned the how to say the verbs “to get fat.”

As some of you may remember, I came back from Mendoza a little ”lumpy” and very well fed. Many tourists go to Argentina for leather, but I went for the eatable parts. Another culprit for my weight gain was the amount of mayonnaise I ate. Don’t be grossed out--the mayonnaise was delicious and not like our Hellman’s version. It is made with olive oil and the like--it is creamy and doesn’t taste heavy at all. I learned to eat EVERYTHING with salsa golf--a mixture of ketchup and mayonnaise (do not say anything until you have tried it). My salsa golf is even better because I add Sriracha sauce for that special tingle.

I wanted to know the verbs for getting fat because it is happening again. I eat a lot of sugar. This is very different because back in the States, I avoided salt and sugar like it was the Black Plague (“White Death” is more appropriate). Here, I am eating chocolate, cookies, Turkish Delights (!), and candy every day. They make me happy.

People are usually averse to Russian cuisine, as was I when I first arrived. I think the style is more comfort-foodish. A few of my favorites:

-Pelmenie: Russian-style dumplings. The fillings vary and they can be eaten in broth or with sour cream. I eat these with my Thai-style salsa golf. It’s also very convenient when I don’t have much time because I just boil them for a few minutes and eat. Like ramen or ‘mama’ noodles.


-Blinchikie: Crepes. Russians call them Russian-style pancakes. They are crepes. At the restaurants, I see them making these “pancakes” the same way and using the same machines to make crepes at Crepeaway (a DC crepe joint).

-Pierogkie: More or less, these are turnovers. They can be fried or baked, just like empanadas. Only, they aren’t empanadas because they are softer and more bread-like. You can get them with different fillings (e.g. cabbage, meat, potatoes, mushrooms, etc.).

-Borscht: Beet soup. Extra delicious with sour cream or mayonnaise. I made this for the first time the other night (super easy and very yummy). Beets make it nice and red, potatoes give it some flavor, some cabbage, some carrots, water, and lots of seasoning. There’s supposed to be meat in it.

Sofie's borscht.

-Porridges (kasha): This is the umbrella term for oatmeal, buckwheat, millet, rice (?), etc. I like oatmeal in the morning because it makes me warm inside. Fiber is very good for your insides, believe me as I am now old and wise (hah!). Buckwheat (gretchka) is unbelievably cheap and very delicious. We make jokes that we eat it because we are volunteers, and back in our home countries, we can only find buckwheat in pet shops. I love it because it is fast food, filling (thank you, fiber), and you can eat it with everything (like rice). I have heard that you can eat it with sugar and milk. Millet (psheno) is what I used to feed my parakeets. It is tasteless and I don’t know how to use it properly. I used it to make a heartier soup and it was delicious. The next day, the soup had an oatmeal-like consistency because the millet soaked the soup up. I also made little fried cakes out of it. Fried = tasty. That is a universal fact.

The ingredients for my Thai-style Salsa Golf: ketchup, mayonnaise, and sriracha. I ate it with the buckwheat (gretchka). Yum.

-Sunflower seeds: I cannot tell you how many hours (HOURS) I’ve spent sitting there eating sunflower seeds. I am addicted. What is special about it? Nothing, but I am addicted to eating. And there is something very meditative about lounging, cracking the shell, and finding that tiny seed within. Satisfaction in the purest form. I now call myself a connoisseur of sunflower seeds. My flat mates will suffer for a week if I buy a bag of seeds that I consider unsatisfactory. Yes, sunflower seeds have become a determinant of my mood.

I don't know why I can't turn it. Easier if you turn your head. Thank you for cooperating.

-Miscellaneous: Lay’s makes bacon-flavored potato chips. I’ve also seen bacon-flavored cheese spreads (like those soft triangle cheeses in the refrigerated aisle of supermarkets). Sushi is trendy here and they sell sushi-making kits here. I have found Thai fish sauce, oyster sauce, Thai-style noodles, and chili sauces at one supermarket. The problem? Thai food smells, the products are really expensive, and oh yes, I don’t know how to cook Thai food.

It sounds pretty reasonable what I have to eat, so why did I want to learn the words to express increasing weight? I eat a lot more than usual (my schedule is more relaxed and I like experimenting). What measures am I taking to combat obesity not only in America but in my own body?

We eat vegan. Not vegetarian, I can live with that--V-E-G-A-N. Even if you don’t know me very well, know one thing about me--I love meat. I love the cow meat. For almost 10 years, I didn’t eat it and I was happy with that choice. Then, I went to Argentina and fell in love with meat. Now, I like my meat black-and-blue and I can eat it any time of the day. No steak sauce (absurdity!). That is as honest as I can be.

In my flat, we have a vegan and two vegetarians. I am the antichrist. I am American, I speak English, and I eat animals (and animal by-products). We mostly eat dinners together. It’s a social thing to sit there, talk, chop food, and cook. It’s nice. We are respectful people and we cook vegan so that everyone can eat. Of course, I add impurities (e.g. sour cream, cheese, mayonnaise, MEAT, etc.) to my dish after it’s cooked.

There are positives to my (forced) plant-derived diet. I eat a lot of fresh vegetables and produce. Remember, vegetables have a lot of fiber and fiber does the body good. The more healthy dishes I eat, the fewer unhealthy dishes I eat. Plus, the quality of meat is dubious. Simple logic, but it’s one step against heart disease. I’ve also learned how to get creative with dishes.

When I get back to the US, take me out for good steak and I’ll cook a great vegetarian meal for you. Do it, it’s a dare.

P.S. Read “Kitchen Confidential” by Anthony Bourdain if you know what’s good for you.

P.P.S. There would’ve been more pictures, but by the time I remembered to take a picture of a food, I had already satisfied my hunger. I’m a food hedonist.