Tammie & Sarah in Russia: 7 Ways to be a tourist

Introduction

We've spent a few days in St. Petersburg and we did a lot of touristy things. Of course, we've learned a lot about the city and its history, but we especially learned about tour groups and the different kinds of tourists there are.

1. Geriatric - This group can be very lively and energetic, but necessarily slow. They are usually spotted with custom orthotics and sometimes with a walking device. Geriatrics are thoughtful people because they tend to buy many useless souvenirs for their family and friends.

Everyone in this group walked around the Hermitage in St. Petersburg with their cane/chair devices. Upon arrival to the exhibit, they'd all unfold their chairs and lounge to listen to the tour guide. This group is the precursor to the wheelchair tour group.

2. Asian - I am referring to Asians in general. Those from the South Asian regions tend to travel in large groups (usually a family). Other Asians (Thai, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, etc.) usually travel with friends and maybe with a family member. They are usually quiet but like to mumble under their breaths about other people or about how tired they are. The younger persons falling in this category usually take photos with specific poses.

A group of Asian tourists in traditional tourist garments posing in front of St. Basil's Cathedral in Moscow.

3. School groups - The average age is 16 years old, but their level of boredom depends on their age. The older they are, the less interested they are in traveling, but the more interested they are in each other. Boys usually make inappropriate comments, jokes, and gestures about the sight at hand. Girls tend to seek attention, mostly by giggling at the boys.

4. Couples - This group varies and it is difficult to profile these tourists. It can be anything from a first date to fifty years of marriage. Either way, they tend to be absorbed in each other and not generally disruptive to other tourists.

5. Young families - We congratulate the effort and expense it takes to transport a family and expose young children to culture. However, they are generally the most annoying tourists. Strollers are bulky, children are easy to trip on, and parents are often too distracted.

6. Spanish - "[They are] loud, obnoxious, and say stupid things," says a Spaniard who some of us know and love.

7. Independent travelers - These travelers vary in group size and age. They tend to wander away from hot tourist spots. They are often lost and can be found in a corner trying to discreetly handle a map and peek into a guidebook. Their reasons for traveling also vary, but their overall intention is to absorb as much culture as they can. Younger members of this group try to milk all the discounts and try very hard not to get duped as foreigners. Stupid pictures often result from their voyages.

I convinced Sarah to pose for a 'stupid picture' in front of one of the great Peterhof fountains.

Conclusion

Essentially, every tourist has their positives and negatives. We have found that overall, there are certain characteristics that extend through all types.

- Every group has a straggler; one who doesn't hide the fact that he or she is tired and makes no effort to catch up with the others.

- Almost all buy some form of souvenir, whether it's an expensive piece of jewelry or a kitschy captain hat that says "I Love St. Petersburg" on the brim.

Because I'm pretty sure we already have a captain's hat back home, I bought my own (for my nephew when he's older than 3) useless souvenir--a toy representing the Russian version of Winnie the Pooh.

- 90% of digital point-and-shoot camera owners take pictures of everything. Of that percentage, 1% will actually remember what they shot. 80% will show these pictures to an uninterested audience.

- Esperanto is (supposed to be) an international language that's easy to learn and understand throughout the world. It's not.

NOTE- If you are not learned in the art of the Esperanto language, we highly recommend that you learn either the local language, some form of English, or how to decode hieroglyphics and other symbols.

A menu from a popular coffee chain that reads 'Breakfast with gruel.' Highly appetizing.

A sign from the Peter and Paul Fortress in St. Petersburg that forbids guests from: holding demonstrations, sell things without permission, walk your dog or other animal, walk on (or off) the roof, play a musical instrument, walk around in a banana hammock, ski or skate, litter, build a bonfire, go around drunk, ride a bike, or knock trees around. This only makes me wonder WHY they had to be so specific.